Plus Professor Shady Eyebrows’ dark plan is finally revealed!
The Mystic Falls gang was island-bound on the Feb. 7 episode of The Vampire Diaries, in the hopes of finding the cure for vampirism — but what they really needed to find was a cure for all the D-R-A-M-A! Not only did Elena (Nina Dobrev) spend the entire hour locking fangs with Rebekah (Claire Holt), but everyone’s favorite doppelganger also gave Damon (Ian Somerhalder) a bit of an ultimatum — and I can’t imagine she was too thrilled with his response. Oh, and Shane (David Alpay) is even shadier than we thought.
Pretty soon after everyone arrived on the island, Jeremy (Steven R. McQueen) got hunter-napped by Shane’s flunkies — but not before giving us a phenomenal look at the goods. Bonnie (Kat Graham) needed to take pictures of his tattoo for her spell, so he just had to take off his shirt and pose while she examined every inch of his body. And it was definitely cold on that island.
Damon Tells Elena: ‘We Don’t Work!’
As for that little “ultimatum” I mentioned, Elena straight-up told Damon to take the cure with her so they could be together forever. ”Being human isn’t going to change my feelings for you!” she told him.
But did he accept her offer? Did he agree to spend the rest of his mortal life with the woman he loves? Of course not, because he may be beautiful, but he’s also an idiot.
“Face reality, Elena, we don’t work!” he told her.
Thankfully, Elena is a stubborn little Steven, so she fired back with this epic monologue:
“You think that you don’t deserve something, so you ruin it. I’m not going to let you pull that this time. Take the cure with me! That’s how certain I am that I’m going to love you even after this is all over. Be human with me. We can be together, grow old together. It doesn’t have to be hard anymore.”
But once again, Damon shut her down. “That’s not me,” he told her. “That’s Stefan,” adding that becoming human with her would be the most miserable thing he can imagine.
Seriously, Damon… WHAT. THE. F**K.
Stefan & Rebekah Heat Up
While Damon and Elena were busy going back-and-forth on the same issue they’ve faced since day one, Stefan (Paul Wesley) spent most of the hour getting cozy with Rebekah. Whether they were cuddling by the campfire, or he was saving her from irrelevant danger, it was nice to see Stefan looking genuinely happy for a change.
And unlike Damon, Stefan wants to become human; as does Rebekah, which means they can live happily ever after together like the perfect couple we all know they are.
Shane’s Dark Plan Is Revealed
We also learned three very shocking truths about Professor Eyebrows this week: First, his wife was a witch. Second, she died trying to save their son using expression. And third, he pronounces “consuming” like “cons-yooming.” (What’s up with that?)
This was also not his first trip to the island. On his last trip, his dead wife Kate appeared to him in a vision, telling him to resurrect Silas so that he could resurrect her. Along with collecting a capable witch and a fully tattooed hunter, Shane would also need to cause three massacres. Two of those massacres have already taken place — so what else could Shane have his eyebrow?
…I mean sleeve?
Tears Of A Klaus
OK, this part was really messed up for so many reasons.
Back in Mystic Falls, Tyler (Michael Trevino) was getting his jollies by taunting Klaus (Joseph Morgan), who is still very much trapped in the Gilberts’ house thanks to Bonnie’s spell. But when Klaus realized he couldn’t retaliate with words, he stabbed Caroline (Candice Accola), then nommed on her until she was almost dead! Tyler begged Klaus to save her, but he refused — until Caroline guilted him into saving her.
“You’re hurt, which means there is a part of you that’s human,” Caroline told Klaus as she neared the brink of re-death.
Am I the only one who wanted to reach through the TV and shake her?! I’m choosing to think Caroline only offered up kind words to Klaus so she would trick him into saving her life, because if she really is having feelings for this monster, she needs to have her head examined — or have her head knocked off, whichever happens first.
While I’ll admit it was nice to see Klaus cry — Joseph may play a monster, but he’s still a beautiful human — no amount of tears could ever make me change my stance on him. He’s unredeemable.
Now, if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to bring back my weekly Stelena/Delena breakdown. Since Stefan spent most of the episode canoodling with Rebekah, Team Stelena obviously didn’t earn too many points, but it’s still worth examining:
 |  |  |
- Elena seems kind of annoyed when Rebekah tells her Stefan likes her again. (+5 points)
- “If I take the cure, it wouldn’t be for her. It’d be for me.” (-25 points)
- TOTAL: -20 points
| | - Elena insists her feelings for Damon won’t be cured along with her vampirism. (+50 points)
- They kiss. (+100 points)
- Elena tries to get him to take cure with her so they can be together forever. (15+ points)
- Damon tells her taking the cure would be “miserable.” (-50 points)
- TOTAL: 115 points
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What did you think of this week’s episode? Do you think Damon will ever change his mind and become human with Elena? Is Caroline crazy for seeing the good in Klaus? And do you think Shane is really evil, or just out for his own interest? Drop me a comment with your review of the episode!
— Andy Swift
Follow @AndySwift
MORE:
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- 'Vampire Diaries': Stefan & Damon's Next Big Fight Revealed In New Pic
- 'Vampire Diaries' Video: Damon Tells Elena That Stefan Still Loves Her
